Stuck in the Corner

I found this blog post recently: Time to cast the line: Dating as a Widow and thought it was good, though it doesn’t quite address the big problem which is how to FIND someone to date.

It’s been over three years since Dave died and I think it’s time to start dating again. I find that to be easier said than done. I tried the online dating sites for a little while and went on a couple of dates with a man. That was pleasant but not earth shattering and at some point I realized I wasn’t hearing from him again and decided that it was no big deal.

I talked to a one man on the phone who I decided was not a good fit–if you’re going to complain about the women you’ve met on a dating site, the odds are good that you’ll complain about me too. I too probably have rolls of fat and look like a mother. I am indeed a mother. And really, this is what you discuss with a potential date?

A lot of the men on the online dating sites look like they’ve spent the last 30 years in a recliner and now, for some reason, they’ve been forced out of that chair, and are trying desperately to find someone to let them get back to reclining. Those are not for me.

Then there are some who are obviously very active and fit and are looking for younger, very active and fit women. They frighten me and I eliminate them from the list too.

And then there are the sad cases where of course my first instinct is to try to fix things for them and then realize down that path lies a lot of pointless work. What I also realized is that there are women who will go down that path happily so I should leave them to it.

People told me to join groups where I could meet men so I joined a hiking group and sure enough I met a man who I then went out with a couple of times. He very quickly veered into crazy land by criticizing my “lack of hormones” because apparently I wasn’t passionate enough while at the same time talking about the “L word.” I was sorry that one didn’t work out any better because I really thought that having met the person first was a better way to go.

I love my friends but I find that widowhood sort of consigns you to the women’s corner. Actually I love the women’s corner but wouldn’t it be nice to explore other parts of the room too?

I’m sharing one of my hiking photos because it’s a LEDGE, which seems appropriate, though, of course, I used a room metaphor so this isn’t quite the right theme. Still, enjoy the picture.

 

CVNP Kendall Ledges

CVNP Kendall Ledges

 

 

Running

Since I just reported on my Ultimate Fitness Challenge, I might as well report on my running too. I ran the Race to the Taste 5K on Labor Day. The race is part of the Taste of Hudson. I ran it last year too. I improved my speed by about 30 seconds per mile and this year came in third place in my category (women over 50). It’s the first time I’ve ever won anything for something sports related! The picture here is me getting my winning t-shirt.

In less than two weeks, I’m running the fifth leg for a relay team in the Akron Marathon. I’m nervous about this one. It’s 5.6 miles which is the furthest I’ve ever run. I’ve been training but I never feel like I really know what I’m doing.

race to the taste winner

 

Ultimate Fitness Challenge

I’m happy to say that I completed the Ultimate Fitness Challenge in 13:14 (minutes:seconds) last week at the Summa Wellness Institute. I did this in May in 16:33. That was a 20% improvement in time! It just goes to show what training for something does.

Challenge is the right word to describe this event. It starts with the rowing machine, includes push ups, burpees, tire flips, and more and then concludes with pushing a loaded prowler cart a long way!

Here’s a photo of me at the finish line.finish line

 

Taxes

Dave got a nasty letter from RITA (Regional Income Tax Authority), the agency that collects local income tax for various communities, including ours. The letter stated that he had not paid his 2012 taxes and that he had better do so and that they were going to use his federal returns to determine his tax liability plus charge him penalties. And if he didn’t pay, they would subpoena him to appear at a hearing.

I meant to call them, I really did, but I forgot. So, they sent him a summons to a hearing, demanding that he appear at city hall on a certain date and time. And he was told to bring CASH. And again he was told that they were going to use his federal return to determine his tax liability.

So, now I was irritated. The tone of the letter was clearly adversarial. I thought about just ignoring this too so that I could see what would happen next but then my adult self stepped in.

I called the number, explained that my husband had died and so could not make it to the hearing (I did actually say that…I know.) The woman who answered the phone politely   asked for the date of his death and said “I’ll update our records and I’m sorry for your loss.”

The person was polite, professional, and not snarky. The letters were written with the assumption that the recipient was a deadbeat, refusing to pay taxes. I’m not sure that this is the right tone for the initial contact. I think I threw out the letters or I would post them here for everyone to see.  I don’t think I would have cared so much except for the continual repetition of using his federal return. If they were using his federal return, they would have seen that he didn’t have one.

Anyway, Dave is off the hook for failing to pay his local income tax.

"doing my taxes" by Heather Harvey is licensed under CC BY 2.0

“doing my taxes” by Heather Harvey is licensed under CC BY 2.0

 

Blogroll

I added to this site links to blogs that I particularly like. You’ll see the links in  the blog roll on the right side of the screen. Check them out.

These are all blogs that I find interesting and moving. They’re not all about grief by any means…just personal reflections on life.

I’ll add to this list as I either remember more or see new ones.

Heart

Heart