With all the paperwork I’ve had to do, it’s finally time to do the taxes. I met with my accountant and began to go through everything. She helped me figure out everything I could use as a deduction. Thank goodness!  Because I need them. I owe a lot in taxes this year.

Medical expenses were a big part of what I can deduct. I knew I had paid several thousand dollars to the hospital last year but could not find that check. I finally called the hospital and asked for a statement. They sent me a listing of payments made for Dave by the insurance company and by us and there was the $6,000 dollar payment I made.

Amazingly, once I saw that, I managed to find the check in my checking account statement. Funny how that works.

I was pretty sure that I had written a check because I remembered writing it. I was sitting at the kitchen table and wrote the check and got it ready to mail. I told Dave I’d paid it.


The moral of the story is to keep better records.

Words for the Dead

She lost her husband. That’s the phrase we use to describe a dead husband. We lose our husbands just like we lose a glove by dropping it in the parking lot.

If something happens. This is how we discuss a death to come. I asked a friend, “what if something happens to me?” He knew what I meant and said that’s why I have a will.

When I talked to all those customer service people last summer about transferring names and such, they all talked about my husband passing or passing away. I even saw this used in a legal document.

I don’t know if all those terms help or hurt. It’s certainly blunt to say, “he’s dead” instead of “he passed away.” Sometimes the shock value of “he’s dead” is sort of fun in a dark kind of way.

So I resolved not to use those phrases but I’m not sure that’s the right decision. I’m still mulling it over.



Who would have thought that it takes months to deal with the paperwork that follows the death of a spouse? I used an attorney which was wonderful. She took care of many things for me and was a real support to me.  She transferred the title of my house into my name. She told me what to do with the banks.

One of the best things she did for me was to notify all of my husband’s creditors to let them know there was no estate for them to be paid from. I still don’t understand that exactly but I ended up not having to pay bills that I thought I might have to deal with.

I’m so grateful to her and to my husband. When I first went to see her after Dave’s death, I came out of the office wishing I could tell Dave how wonderful he was to get everything put in order for me. We’d updated our will and figured out financial arrangements. When he died, the attorney had it all in place for me.

I still had to deal with things which I struggled with but boy having somebody who knew what they were doing was a tremendous boon to me.