2014 Update

I’ve been remiss in posting here. I was struggling with so many things that I just didn’t feel like sharing my feelings with the world.

So here’s my update:

  1. My son has graduated from high school and is off to college in North Carolina. He’s doing well and seems to be enjoying himself.
  2. My dog Nunu is still alive…she’s elderly and probably doesn’t get enough attention since it’s down to just me at home with her. I’ve thought about getting another dog but I’m just not home enough to do that right now.
  3. I’m still working in the same place. Nothing much has changed with that.
  4. I have made teeny steps towards fixing up my house. I do want to sell this house and move out of it but getting there is more work than I want to do at times.
  5. I had a tag sale last summer and sold off the wood working shop in my basement. I sold a bunch of other things as well. We’re still trying to figure out what is gone and what we still have. A lot of Dave’s clothes were donated to a veteran’s shelter so that was good. Having that sale was both freeing and very disturbing.
  6. I got out all of our Christmas decorations this year and decorated the house. Nick and I went out and chopped down a tree and brought it home and put it up. That was a lot more work than we realized. Next year we’ll probably buy a pre-cut one! That too was emotionally difficult but also positive.

I’ve been missing writing here so will try to come back to this.winter scene


Easter Time is Coming

Cadbury Eggs
Thanks to Svadilfari at Flickr

This morning I ran into Acme, our  local grocery store, to pick up some produce to go with my hummus dip.  Nothing too earth-shattering about that.

However, there’s a huge display of Easter candy in the front of the store. As I trot past, I think, “I better pick up some Cadbury eggs before they run out.” And then, “Oh. I wonder if Nick likes Cadbury Eggs as much as Dave did.” Because of course it no longer matters that I might not have them for Dave’s Easter Basket.

One year I didn’t buy the eggs early and then had to run all over town trying to buy Cadbury Eggs. I was left with the inferior caramel version.

All of this runs through my head and I feel such sorrow. It seems that this grief is never going to end. There’s always one more piece of glass being jammed into my heart.

Of course, I go on, buy my produce, and go off to the meeting that I’m now late for. And my day goes on.

I may go back and buy those eggs and give a couple to Nick and save a couple for myself and just eat them in memory of Dave’s Easter baskets.