Family Visit

Posted on by
Reply

Update: I wrote this post in 2015 and for some reason never published it. Much has changed since I wrote this but decided to go ahead and share it. I remember this weekend well.

This past weekend I drove to South Carolina to visit my family. It was Family Weekend at my son’s university which was the original impetus for my visit. Because my mother has been ill, my sister and nephew ended up flying in from California and we all hung out together. It was great to see everyone, even though my mom is still in the rehab place. I think she was happy to see all of us. She was unhappy that she couldn’t go out to eat with us or go home. She started talking about being incarcerated so I guess she’s motivated to leave.

This visit was when we had the estate discussion that I mentioned in my most recent post. Nothing like being the expert on dealing with death.

My nephew and I drove up to Charlotte on Sunday afternoon to join Nick and his girlfriend and another friend at a sports bar to watch the Charlotte Panthers. We had a good time together. It wasn’t quite the same as going to the school to see what’s going on but we had a good time. The Panthers are undefeated right now so Nick is trying to convince me that I should become a Panthers fan instead of rooting for the Steelers or the Browns.

I’ve really decided to quit paying any attention to the NFL. The Browns lose all the time, the Steelers signed Michael Vick, and really there’s not much happening that I care about. I’ll watch it like I did this weekend. If someone is rooting for a team, I’ll join in.

We did have an interesting discussion about Michael Vick and other NFL players and how he at least served his sentence and “paid his debt to society” whereas a lot of other athletes manage to get out of their crimes.

I remember when Nick was little. He had the best way to cheer for a team. He always rooted for the team who was winning so if that changed in the middle of a game, he changed his team. It was very efficient and was a great way to be sure of being happy with the results. When he got older and realized that people, especially his dad, rooted for particular teams, he changed his ways. But that doesn’t necessarily lead to happiness.

It was fun to see my sister. We don’t get to see each other often enough. She really is much better at talking than I am.

Blue Heron, Catawba River, South Carolina

Blue Heron, Catawba River, South Carolina

Estate Matters

Posted on by
2

I saw my parents this weekend and my father wanted to discuss his estate matters. He had this list of things for us to do when he dies but I finally asked him if he has an estate lawyer. He said yes so I said, well, this is a fine list but the first thing to do is call the lawyer. He will be able to take care of many of these things for us and tell us what to do.

That’s my advice for everyone. Talk to a lawyer when dealing with estate things. It really does make life easier. When I went to the widow’s support group, there were often widows who were struggling to deal with finances and deeds and taxes and had no idea what they were doing. It’s hard to deal with at the best of times. Those in the group who had hired an attorney were much calmer about the whole thing.

Sheri Peters helped me and she was the best. I can’t say enough good things about her. If you live in northeast Ohio, or at least in Summit or Stark county, use her.  Her office is in Monroe Falls.

Congregational Church, State Route 77, Riceville, Crawford County, PA Photos from Survey HABS PA-514

Congregational Church, State Route 77, Riceville, Crawford County, PA Photos from Survey HABS PA-514

 

Food basket

Posted on by
4

Isn’t it a food basket that the economists measure to determine if we have inflation? I think that’s the term. I’ve been pondering food lately.

This weekend I went to Aldi’s, Giant Eagle, and Heinens to buy food for the house. If you don’t know, Aldi’s is a German-owned discount grocery chain, Giant Eagle is a Pittsburgh-based grocery store chain, and Heinen’s is a high-end small local grocery store chain in the Cleveland area.

Aldi’s has lots of canned goods and some produce that I bought. Then I trotted off to Giant Eagle.

Giant Eagle has just about everything that I didn’t get at Aldi’s but didn’t have coconut creamer or Good bars (problem with a Pittsburgh-based store in Ohio: doesn’t sell Ohio based snack bars) so I had to go to Heinen’s.

Heinen’s has beautiful produce and I always end up buying some vegetable or fruit there. I also bought the coconut creamer for my coffee and the Good bars, which my friend Karen got me hooked on.

Here’s the thing. I don’t shop much anymore in grocery stores and when I do, I tend to buy produce, dog food, beer and wine, and household items like detergent. There’s very little in the stores that I eat.

When did eating become so difficult? I want to buy meat but I want the grass-fed kind. Aldi’s has some but I looked at it and it comes from three different countries and then is combined in the US. That creeped me out so I passed on that. Then I looked at Giant Eagle’s meat. The chicken lists all of the things not used (antibiotics and cages mainly) but it says the chickens were on a vegetarian diet. Well, chickens aren’t vegetarians so I stood there debating what to do. Finally I reluctantly picked out a package.

At Heinen’s, I always wait until some meat is on sale before I buy anything but I checked the bison and the grass fed beef just to be safe. No sale this week.

I buy my eggs at the Trapp Family Farm and I often buy meat at Brunty’s Farm and I buy produce at the Hudson Farmer’s Market during the summer. Winter time, I’m back to the grocery store.

I felt very out of place in Giant Eagle because I eat so little of what’s there. There is a new Giant Eagle in a neighboring town that is going after the Whole Foods market. I like shopping there because they have really good seafood.

I’m not sure what my point is but since I only have to shop for me, I can have these quirky eating habits. If I had to cook for someone else, I bet I’d revert to a more traditional shopping and eating pattern. In case you’re wondering, I’ve quit eating most prepared foods, most grain-based foods (like bread), food with added sugar, and most dairy products. They occasionally make their way into my food basket but not often.

 

20140607_101941

Nora Webster

Posted on by
Reply

I read Colm Toibin’s Nora Webster a while ago. Actually, I listened to the audio version of the book. I loved it. I felt like it described life as a widow perfectly. I so identified with Nora even though she was younger than I and lived in a different country and time.

There were a few things I really enjoyed. I liked how angry Nora became with people who she knew were just trying to help or be kind. I really understood that. Also, her reluctance to emerge back into the world and how she eventually manages to do so felt very real to me.

Colm Toibin manages to describe exactly what it’s like to have a husband die. I’m not sure how he managed that but wow, he sure did. I highly recommend this book.

By Michal Osmenda from Brussels, Belgium (enhanced Uploaded by russavia) [CC BY-SA 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

By Michal Osmenda from Brussels, Belgium (enhanced Uploaded by russavia) [CC BY-SA 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

Widows

Posted on by
1

There’s this secret club that you hope never to become a member of and that’s being a widow. I’ve run into a couple of women who have been widowed recently or within the past year, which is still recent.  I’ve pointed them to the services at The Grief Center and the widow’s support group there.  It really does help to hear that you’re not the only person going through these things.

It doesn’t seem to matter who we are; there’s a common bond to this.

I’m doing well and am keeping busy. I’m running and working out and eating well and I feel good. That’s great but I still find myself missing Dave. There are days when I feel so very alone or that I just want to tell him something. I’ll say that those days are further apart these days.

I finally emptied that laundry basket of Dave’s clothes that’s been sitting in my bedroom for over three years.  I still have some of his clothes to donate; that man was a clothes horse. I just discussed this with a woman at the library. She’s working hard to donate her husband’s clothes. She said he was a clothes hoarder. I said I knew the feeling.

I found it easier to get rid of my own clothing. Slowly, most of these clothes will go. This might have been a good task for someone to have done for me shortly after Dave’s death.  Oh well, I’ll make it through them eventually.